Hello Andrew,
Welcome to the forum.
Boiling this down, I can understand you are exhausted from searching, but in reality you are really simply spoilt for choice. Imaging a situation where you believe no one is prepared to supply you with a code, then out of the blue, you stumble across someone who can, but their charges are understandable high because they offer a unique service. I guess good money would have to be paid.
From online providers at around £10 through a main dealer at £15, to other main dealers at £85, seems to be enough to choose from. I have used online services for the odd non VAG car, and touch wood, they have been quick and correct, but these were used since the dealers wanted to charge about £25 - reasonable enough I thought, but the on line service was cheaper.
If it were mine, I would be snapping the £15 quote dealer's hand off, since this is a bargain, and you are far more likely to have some sort of redress if the code doesn't work. I'm not sure if you are wondering whether someone is going to give you a code for nothing, and even if they did, such kindness would surely warrant some gratuity, so how cheap is a dealer's £15 in the end?
I trust this isn't taken as being critical, but for right or wrong, I feel the decision just has to be yours.
I'm not sure about your logic of expecting this anti theft service to be free of charge - what service is these days? - but you could of course argue the converse, and suggest that such an anti theft by- pass service should be charged at a very high rate to deter anyone trying to recode a set which has come to them via. dubious routes!
Anyway, good luck with sorting it.
Kind regards,
Gareth.